Who said I'm Uke?
by The Real SilverMyst
Summary: The gundam boys meet up in Quatre's territory. Between Trowa and Duo accidentally going to a cat house, Heero trying to make a joke, and other... oddities... can things get any weirder? Guess so! 1x2 3x4


**Who said I'm Uke?**

It was hot. It was humid. And what was the forecast for tomorrow? Yep, hot and humid.

'Summer time, gotta love it.' Trowa sighed mentally as he continued to walk along the dirt path that would take him through the marketplace and, hopefully, to his destination.

Unfortunately his close were starting to stick to him and he wondered if Quatre would be upset if he stopped long enough for a wardrobe change.

'Dry heat my ass.'

Whoever had said that the deserts were a "dry heat" should be shot. And Trowa would be more than happy to be the one to shoot them.

The brunette looked around with the one green eye that was visible. He had seriously considered tucking back the hair in front of his other eye, it was that hot. But he didn't want to ruin his "image." The "always calm and mysterious" character type suited him. And acting out of character just because of the heat would be like letting the blasted weather win!

"Yo buddy, ya lost?" If Trowa didn't know any better, he'd say that Duo was talking to him.

'Must be the heat. Duo is hanging out with Relena in the Sanq Kingdom.' The green eyed brunette thought as he continued to search around the stalls and viewed the wares the vendors had to offer.

"Whatcha lookin' for?"

Okay, Trowa was pretty sure that the heat was getting to him… that, or he was losing it. There was no way that Duo was…

Trowa's eyes widened when said pilot appeared in front of him. There was no mistaking the violet eyes, or the long chestnut colored braid, but the question was…

"Are you a mirage, or did Relena kick your ass out?" That was all that Trowa could think to say… or in this case, ask.

"Huh?" Duo cocked his head to the side. "I ain't no mirage, buddy. And I sure as hell didn't get… Okay, so maybe I ran away…" He muttered the last part under his breath. "But that is besides the point." The amethyst eyed male said cheerfully. "You look lost, are you trying to find the road to Quatre's place?"

"I'm not lost." Trowa said evenly, his expression never changing.

"So you were searching around for something to wear that would beat the heat? I gotcha… And you're right, we probably should change…" Duo stated as he looked down at his usual black, "priestly" attire. "Black in this weather is killer, let me tell ya!" He laughed heartily.

"I'll bet." Trowa replied while he thought, 'What idiot wears black into the desert?' Well, obviously Duo…

"I saw this nice place about a block from here. They even let you wash up before you leave… kind of a refreshing thing I guess… Anyway, saw it on the sign right before I saw ya. Let's go!" Duo exclaimed happily as he grabbed Trowa's arm and dragged him toward the shop.

**~*~*~*~**

Within seconds of entering the building, both pilots were seen running right back out and down the street a ways. When they were a good block or two away the both leaned up against the nearest building.

"Wash to refresh, huh?" Trowa panted out, glaring at the long haired male.

"How… How was I supposed to know… It was a whore house?" Duo was breathing hard as well thanks to the weather.

"You said the sign said…"

"Hey, you could have looked at the sign yourself! Maybe if you move the hair away from your eye you can see better." Duo looked over at the other, his breathing finally back under control. "Honestly, I don't know how you can stand it." Deathscythe's pilot never was one known for keeping his mouth shut.

"And none of us know how you can stand looking like a girl." A deep, husky voice came from the right of the two pilots a they turned to see yet another G-boy had decided to "hang out."

"Oh my God! I think I might die of a heart attack!" Duo grabbed his chest for emphasis. "Heero Yuy actually TRIED to make a joke!" The brunette busted out laughing. "Failed, mind you… but… he … tried… bwaha!" And Duo was on the ground, rolling, he was laughing so hard.

Both the brunettes that had remained standing glared at Duo before they turned and walked away from the laughing man.

"Hey… Hey guys… Guys?" Duo looked around and saw the retreating forms. "Hey guys, wait for me!" He cried and chased after them.

**~*~*~*~**

"And they did what?" Quatre asked, his face serene and caring like always. Though if one looked closely at his blue eyes, they would notice he was laughing inside.

"Those two tried to ditch me! They wanted to leave me alone and defenseless in the middle of…"

"Laying it on a little thick, don't you think Maxwell? Though you might be the most incompetent of us, you're by far anything BUT defenseless." Wufei huffed from his seat in the window sill.

All five (ex)Gundam pilots were in Quatre's office. The blond sat at his desk with Duo occupying the "client's" seat across from him. They had all been there for a while as Duo told them about his day and how mean Heero and Trowa had been to him.

After the first hour, Wufei and Trowa had decided to get comfortable and sit down. Heero, ever the perfect soldier, opted to remain standing in the corner…

Five hours later, Heero was leaning back against the wall and slightly regretted his choice to remain standing. Even if he'd never admit it.

'If only I could get Duo to shut up, then everyone could call it a night and resume the actual meeting that was to take place in the morning.'

"And then… and then…"

"If I fuck you, will you shut up?"

THAT had come out of nowhere. But when everyone looked around for the source, they realized that it had come from the corner. Heero's corner to be exact. It wasn't until they saw he was looking straight at Duo that the group realized it had been Heero who said it.

"Excuse me?" Duo didn't think he had heard right.

"When people are upset about things, people tell them to get laid. If I fuck you, will you "loosen up"?"

Heero was dead serious and everyone knew it. Question was…did he know what he was getting into? Or better yet, would he go through with it? And would Duo really take advantage of…

"Deal!" And before the guys knew it, Duo had grabbed Heero's wrist and had dragged him out of the room.

"O… kay…"

"How much do you want to bet that Duo will be walking funny tomorrow?" Wufei smirked as he continued to look out the window.

Quatre blushed profusely and just stared at the Chinese man, his eyes wide. How could Wufei say such a thing? And aloud to boot? The guy had to have balls of steel or something.

"Not much of a bet if we all think that Duo's going to get his ass pounded into the mattress." Trowa chuckled.

"O… oh… m… my…" Quatre stuttered as his face decided to resemble a ripe tomato.

"Are you alright?" Trowa inquired, concern evident in his one visible eye.

"I'm alright, just… um…"

"He's a virgin and is embarrassed about these types of things." Wufei shrugged as he got up from his seat and walked over to Trowa, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "I'll leave the whole "de-flowering" thing to you." And with that, the Chinese man was gone.

"What? What did he mean by… oh dear." Quatre blushed as what "de-flowering" meant dawned on him. "He can't mean… we wouldn't… I…"

"If you don't stop stuttering like that, I'll be forced to ravish you." Trowa said calmly as he walked over to stand in front of the blond, next to the man's desk.

"What? Why? I don't understand." Quatre looked up at Trowa from where he was seated, cocking his head to the side. The blond looked seriously confused.

"Because, when you stutter you're like the stereotypical "molestable" Uke. And all Semes are obligated to ravish any molestable uke in their area." Trowa explained and shrugged "Cliché, I know, but…"

Quatre busted out laughing.

Trowa looked at the blond, slightly concerned.

"Did you really find it that amusing, or are you just hysterical?" The brunette asked it with his usual calm, but…

He really had no clue what to do.

"Molestable uke… obligatory ravish… cliché… ha! Somebody had been reading too much yaoi." Quatre was calming down, but he still chuckled.

"Yep, and now we're going to **be one**." Trowa smirked and grabbed a hold of Quatre's wrist, pulling the blond up from the chair and into one arm, while the other braced itself on the blonde's desk. "If you'd like to make any cliché protests that ukes usually make, now is the time." The brunette chuckled.

Trowa's eyes widened as he felt cold metal against his wrist before he heard a "click" that signaled he was trapped. He yanked at the hand that had been resting on the desk and tried to break free. But while he was distracted, Quatre grabbed his other wrist and cuffed it to the desk as well until Towa was bent over the piece of furniture.

"Wha… What are you doing?" Trowa asked, his usually calm tone held a hint of panic to it.

Quatre grinned and leaned over the taller man's body, his groin resting nicely against the brunette's shapely backside. Trowa could feel Quatre's erection through their clothing and he swallowed hard.

"Who said I'm uke?"

**E . n . d . ?**

**A/N:** In all honesty, my 1x2 "oneshot" will probably be the second chapter to this because... well, its like a continuation anyway and it will probably have more 3x4 moments *^.^* Hope you enjoy! And please feel free to review. This is for my "Drawn from a Hat Challenge"... if you don't know what that is, the information and links are in my profile! Until next time! *huggles*


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